The Sacred Now
Brad Pitt’s new movie is the best Case for atheism I’ve ever seen, and why I, a pastor, think all Christians need to hear what it has to say.
Thirty minutes ago, as of writing this sentence, I stepped out of Regal Cinemas after having viewed Brad Pitt’s newest sci-fi mind bender, Ad Astra. In the movie, Brad Pitt plays the son of a legendary space traveler (Tommy Lee Jones), who’s courageous work and discoveries have made him the most decorated astronaut in history. Pitt’s character, Roy, has not seen his father since he was sixteen years old, and the movie does not hold back on the existential dread that comes from such abandonment. Roy battles a demon within himself: he carries the same rage-filled distance he has always detected from his father, and constantly wonders if his closest relationships are doomed to crumble because he has inherited his father’s curse of detachment.
Roy’s father left his wife and son in search of the infinite, to find the great Meaning and Source that lies beneath all of creation. Roy, like his father, has also chosen to see past what is in plain sight (and equally disregarded it) in search of a deeper reality. Roy is dangerously close to becoming like the man who abandoned all the love and splendor in front of him in search of the unseen.
Ad Astra is a movie with a definite message, and it is even summed up in Brad Pitt’s narration about his father, that goes something along the lines of, “He discovered some of the most beautiful things in creation, but he didn’t see them because he was looking for what was not there. He was looking for the unseen beneath the seen. But, beneath it all there was nothing. No love or hate. No darkness or light. No wrong or right.”
As I raced from the theater to my laptop, mulling over the movie in my head, I thought of a lady I knew, and for the sake of anonymity, we’ll call her Lisa. Lisa grew up with a brother and sister. Her dad was a pastor, and her mom dutifully aided her father in running their small church. Lisa knew at a young age that she was gay, and was horrified to tell her family, knowing it would surely mean swift rejection. Lisa attempted to hide and suppress her identity, even to the point of marrying a man and having a son with him. After a number of suicide attempts and emotional breakdowns, and an affair on her husband’s part, she came out of the closet, promptly ending her marriage. Lisa was banned from her family. She was told she would never be allowed to another Christmas, Thanksgiving, or birthday celebration until she ended her life of sin and returned to her (adulterous) husband. When I knew her, Lisa was a bright, hilarious, and warm presence. I couldn’t imagine anyone who truly knew her would reject her.
The movie Ad Astra warns us against pushing away the verifiable in search of the unverifiable. Just as Roy’s father abandoned his son because he could not see the beauty before him, Lisa’s family disowned her, unable to see the beauty within her. As a pastor, and as someone who has spent his whole life in the church, I have seen time after time religious dogmatism bring wreckage to relationships when one party veers a step or two from the established dogma.
When our commitment to the unseen leads us away from the sacred connection to what is seen, one has to wonder what merit this commitment has.
I, of course, am not an atheist. Nor do I have any intentions of ever becoming one. But, a thought struck me as I was watching Ad Astra: I have spent so much of my life running away from the seen in search of the unseen. If I die, and I discover there is no unseen, that all I had was the life I was given on earth, would I feel I made good use of my time? If there is no unseen or afterlife, then all I have is my life here and now. My religion fails me, or I fail it, when it leads me away from deep appreciation of the sacred now. If I don’t appreciate my wife, a sunset, the tides of the ocean, the sound of a running stream, the comradery of my friends, or the taste of a cup of coffee with just the right amount of cream and sugar, then did I live in a way that honors the gift it is to simply be alive?
I don’t believe I have to abandon my faith in God or commitment to Jesus in order to live with a deeper appreciation for the holy this. I believe Jesus, properly followed, leads us deeper into a love for all of this, not away from it. Perhaps this is at least partially what he meant when he said, “the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.” A life waiting for some cosmic rescue, a life lived for a funeral, is a life that dishonors the glory all around us. If my breath is a gift, and this gift has a source, and that source is Love, then I shame the gift when I use my religiosity as a way to push me away from the beauty in front of me.
Growing up in the church I was told to stay away from worldly things, so I’ll end with this prayer:
May Holy Spirit lead me into an earthier way of living. May I behold the sacred beauty in my spouse. May I stop and savor the smell of freshly ground coffee in the morning. May I breathe deeply the rich air I’ve been gifted with, and see with gratitude the splendor all around me.
May I not waste one second waiting for that.
May I live with deep appreciation for This.
Amen.
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