Sunday, January 1, 2017

Part 5. My Journey Through 2016: Kelsey

If you've read any of my blogs about my journey through 2016, you know that this has been a a year of me dissecting my faith and life, and putting it back together. In my last blog, I talked about the ten books I read this year that helped guide me through the process, but if there is one person who kept my head afloat during this season more than anyone, it's my wife. 

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In fact, when I ponder the mystery that this woman would actually be in love with me, I am compelled to believe in a loving Creator. In all my doubts and deconstructing, she never told me to "get it together." She never said "This is not what I signed up for," even though it would be her right to have said those things. No, during this year she created a safe space. She left room for my doubts and fears. She validated my questions and didn't attempt to smooth it all over with cheap and easy answers.

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When I realized I wanted to go back to school full time, knowing that it meant we wouldn't be making as much money as we have been, she supported it. This year, with each day, I have fallen more and more in love with this amazing woman. She is a superhero to me. I have zilch without her. 

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In the movie Sing Street, there is a song I can't listen to without crying. The song is To Find You, and there is a verse in the song that speaks directly to the heart of my love for this woman.

Gotta find out who I'm meant to be
 I don't believe in destiny
 But with every word you swear to me
 All my beliefs start caving in 
Then I feel something 'bout to change 
So bring the lightning bring the fire bring the fall 
I know I'll get my heart through
 Got miles to go but from the day I started crawlin' 
I was on my way to find you

If this year has taught me anything, it's that my life has been a journey to Kelsey's heart, everything has lead me here. I don't deserve her. For the life of me I don't know how I landed here, but I am here, and I'm privileged and proud to be her husband. I experience the love of God every day through her. What more reason do I need to believe in Divine love?

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